When Storm was three years old, he one day declared that he would like to have long hair just like his big sister – who undeniably has very long and very beautifully thick, beautiful hair.
I was about to tell Storm that ‘Boys don’t have long hair.’ Most probably because he was simply so super-nice with that messy blonde hair that was cut short in the neck; fortunately, I stopped myself – It is his own hair, and he can decide for himself. My own little brother has had longer hair than me for many years (not difficult after the chemotherapy in 2010); a long thick, and very rockstar manly ponytail in a good way. So Storm, of course, was allowed; it’s his hair.
Many people think we have three girls and one baby. Storm doesn’t care, he likes his long hair, and he says in a very tolerant way, “It’s okay, it’s okay” when people apologize for their mistakes. In fact, Storm thinks girls are incredibly cool, and when they grow up, they can have babies too! When they play Harry Potter, Storm wants to be Hermione – because she’s the smartest one.
And when my brother took this picture, I thought, “Here’s the reward. What a cool, delicious six-year-old we have here.”
About children’s development and parenting task
Storm’s hair began to grow long and down in the eyes while advancing toward the middle of kindergarten. When Storm was four and a half, he could look down a little, and then his hair fell out and shut everything else out. “It’s closed because of remodeling,” it meant. His whole interior, especially his brain, was undergoing a demanding process: figuring out how the entire world is interconnected, who he is, and why we are here – or, in short: development.
When Storm worked on it, he shut down. His hair allowed him to 100% decide for himself when he had a surplus to the world around him. Therefore, boys should also be allowed to have long hair, and girls should also choose for themselves – if they want to avoid hair clippers and rat tails – listen to them. Alternatively, I think they should be allowed to wear a cap or hat or whatever else they want.
Listen now: I’m not saying kids MUST have long hair or a hat, I say that they should be allowed to if they want it. Children are often very wise in themselves, although they cannot put fancy words and theories on why they have these needs, so they can clearly say they have them.
The important thing is to let them decide for themselves. A child should be allowed to be at peace when it needs it. A child who closes him/herself inside his/her own being is in the process of something in there and should not be disturbed.
Of course, this is not the same as the child being trapped all the time because it may be afraid of the world around him or otherwise have difficulties. Such a situation is serious and needs to be addressed. So here again, it is a balance, and it is a demanding task to be a parent: If you can not read your child yourself, you must resort to trustworthy and talented people who know the child well and ask what they think. But usually, you can actually sense where the child is – I believe this very deeply, and a least I feel I can, so I imagine everyone can if they practice it.
May the sun shine on you
Cecilie Conrad
A comment made on the article when it was first published:
Michael Conrad Yes, all these things and facts are so important for the little ones. We only have to accept their personality and respect them how they are. They are good in every age. Thank you for writing about society’s stupidity. It’s time for changing.
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