I had an interesting conversation with the castle owner Katia, who was astonished by how “well-behaved” the children in the world schooling group are.
Obviously, she had never seen a group of so many home-educated children, so she did not know what to expect. It was a pleasant conversation with many compliments about the lifestyle, yet it always bothers me when someone talks about well-behaved children.
Yet I feel I have to talk a bit about the idea of well-behaved children.
If you tell an adult they are well-behaved, they will be offended for a good reason.
When we think of “well-behaved,” we assume there is another option, more likely, that would have appeared if the individual did not control him or herself.
The assumption is the children would run and scream and swear and break things and spend all day with screens and eat sugar, never sleep or shower. Not ever wash their hands or flush the toilet.
The idea we have to teach children to behave comes from the basic idea if we do not teach them, hell breaks loose.
In many cases, this would be true. It would be true in a context where the child is not seen, heard, and understood if the child is not respected.
The home-based family life is different in so many ways. We do not live an age-segregated lifestyle. We do not talk baby language to the smaller kids or govern the older ones. Our lifestyle is conversation-driven, and our children have the right to have their options on everything. Obviously, it is often an interesting and relevant one.
We have had the time to talk about almost everything, and the children have unfolded their lives in many contexts.
Most importantly, they have had their personal freedom and the chance to unfold themselves, exploring what life is. They do not need to do so desperately when they are ungoverned.
Free children do not behave, nor do they perform.
Free children just live their lives and can read a room, take care of others, keep themselves clean and healthy, and create good vibes and a meaningful life for themselves and those around them.
It is not behaving. It is living.
Love and light
Cecilie Conrad
# 108 of my 2023 writing challenge - Read them all here
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