Running alongside a train | Day 209 of my 2023 Journal

It is sometimes hard to keep up with life. The constant of time, the earth spinning, is a hard headmaster. How do people MAKE it?

Basic stuff like clearing spaces, cooking food, doing yoga, and having conversations seem to fill up all the hours.

The worst part is the personal development. See, I am positive. I know I am here for a reason, and I am sure life will give me exactly what I need when I need it. What I do not always comprehend is how to keep up.

My four very different children in different places in their lives present me with changing challenges as to how I can be the support they need, how I can guide and help and reflect with them, be the box of resonance for what they are, do, become, dream.

I feel sometimes I have to run SO FAST.

I need to understand things, reflect on things, dissect things, re-assemble them, and think about consequences, options, and alternatives - BEFORE I can have an opinion or even the slightest idea.

But at the same time, everything HAPPENS.

It is not like the world will stop spinning until I am done thinking. Wouldn’t that be nice, though? If the planet would please stop spinning, the inner processes give us a break when we need to sit down and THINK. No need for bathrooms, cooking, or earning money; nobody is waiting for your input, just silence while we work on it - the thinking process.

Well! This is not how it goes. We just have to keep up the pace. Run alongside the trails. While cooking and living and loving and cleaning and meditating and making money and spending money, we have to grow, to understand, to think again, to make decisions, to say yes or no or maybe, to say now or tomorrow or never (maybe not that), we just have to do it.

And in the end, I do love it.

The whole thing.

Life has this abundance of things going on, and us needing to sift through it and find our ways.

There is a lot of beauty to the chaos.

Love and light

Cecilie Conrad

Thank you for reading
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