Back

Siblings without jealousy

Cecilie Conrad·Feb 13, 2012· 2 minutes

Sibling jealousy is rarely about the relationship between siblings. It is about the child experiencing that it is not seen by the mother and/or father.

The most important thing I’ve learned about sibling jealousy is that it’s not about sibling jealousy.

It’s about them feeling that they are not being seen by mom and/or dad.

Whether that is true or not, whether it is fair or not, is not significant – but that is what it is basically about.

So when my kids are fighting, I try to give them a whole lot of attention. And here we are not talking about just agreeing with them or offering to read aloud and eat chocolate cake.

No. It is about being ultimately present, participating in their reality, and seeing them as they are: different, beautiful, special, and lovely.

And it is very difficult; it requires a lot of personal abundances, presence, and strong nerves! But it works every single time. Sometimes it resolves all conflicts for several weeks; sometimes, it works for ten minutes. In the latter case, it’s a really good idea to do it again, a little longer.

There is a lot more to say about this, but now my kids actually demand my presence – and if you like to dive deeper into this subject, then I would recommend reading the book ‘Siblings without jealousy‘ by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

May the sun shine on you

Cecilie-Underskrift-300x133

Cecilie Conrad

Ten days in Sweet Sweden is waiting. Nothing on the calendar but sunshine, forest, birdsong. Beautiful. Read more
The saying “less is more” has been around for a long time, and it makes sense to a lot of people. The minimalist movement has been big, and it is an …Read more
Adults obsess about making rules, and setting “boundaries” for children so that they understand = obey. I find it hilarious because adults don’t resp…Read more
I trust we are always at the right place at the right time. It is a matter of mindset. Of trusting the process. Of focus. As Chi-Gon (master of Obiw…Read more
Copenhagen is a city by the water. We sailed the canals together with my soul-friend Tamiko and her partner on a big raft. Spending a day on the wate…Read more
Some days are overloaded with to-do. If we lean back and trust the process, they might unfold beautifully. When we sat around the porridge and berrie…Read more
A friend of mine told me about a Shakespeare open-air play in one of the central parks - The Tempest, a play I had never heard about. It was funny, m…Read more
I sometimes tell myself this: If I do what is hard (make my way through the narrow path of doing what I find right despite all systems around me), my…Read more
If I were ever to move back to my hometown, I would not choose the new areas. I would stick to be me. And hope to find some of the wild lives, some o…Read more