Back

Siblings without jealousy

Cecilie Conrad·Feb 13, 2012· 2 minutes

Sibling jealousy is rarely about the relationship between siblings. It is about the child experiencing that it is not seen by the mother and/or father.

The most important thing I’ve learned about sibling jealousy is that it’s not about sibling jealousy.

It’s about them feeling that they are not being seen by mom and/or dad.

Whether that is true or not, whether it is fair or not, is not significant – but that is what it is basically about.

So when my kids are fighting, I try to give them a whole lot of attention. And here we are not talking about just agreeing with them or offering to read aloud and eat chocolate cake.

No. It is about being ultimately present, participating in their reality, and seeing them as they are: different, beautiful, special, and lovely.

And it is very difficult; it requires a lot of personal abundances, presence, and strong nerves! But it works every single time. Sometimes it resolves all conflicts for several weeks; sometimes, it works for ten minutes. In the latter case, it’s a really good idea to do it again, a little longer.

There is a lot more to say about this, but now my kids actually demand my presence – and if you like to dive deeper into this subject, then I would recommend reading the book ‘Siblings without jealousy‘ by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

May the sun shine on you

Cecilie-Underskrift-300x133

Cecilie Conrad

We can not live on tortillas alone. We need art. We need a lot of art. Something to choose from, something to browse through, something to contrast w…Read more
On the second day in SMA, we just took it in. There is not much to say. We worked. We studied. We shared meals. We walked the streets. We enjoyed it …Read more
SMA has a very beautiful cathedral and cobblestone streets, lots of tourists and ex-pats, lots of street vendors, churches, and Christmas decorations…Read more
My very special husband is hiding behind a humble cover, being very ambitious and downright stubborn, sticking to his rules, his values, his big drea…Read more
Discover how questioning norms leads to personal freedom & responsible education. We explore individual sovereignty, parenting's role in children's e…Read more
A journey from Christmas skepticism to embracing the festive spirit with newfound friends and traditions. I might be able to create a lovely Christm…Read more
I love the vibrant life in Querétaro. Exploring the bustling markets, enjoying a unique bowling night, and witnessing the magic of new connections fr…Read more
Destination Independence is - I suppose - a tourist tour around the city, but I liked the sight of the bus to underline my core values. The sight of …Read more
Coca Cola. It is an icon. We don’t agree, maybe with the sugar content or the policies (that I honestly know nothing about), yet I must say, I am sec…Read more